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Christmas, is the annual Christian holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ. Most members of the Roman Catholic Church and followers of Protestantism celebrate Christmas on December 25, and many celebrate on the evening of December 24 as well.In addition to being a religious holiday, Christmas is a widely observed secular festival. For most people who celebrate Christmas, the holiday season is characterized by gatherings among family and friends, feasting, and gift giving. Christmas is incomplete without a mention of our popular santa claus, and christmas trees, the reindeers, mistletoe, Christmas cakes, cookies, puddings, Christmas goodies and Christmas cards.
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Remember to use these one-liners in your Christmas parties, it's great fun:
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
The letter "D".
What did Adam told his girlfriend on December 24th ?
It's Christmas! Eve.
What did the guest sing at Eskimo's Christmas party?
...Freeze a jolly good fellow..
What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you!
What do reindeer have that no other animals on earth have?
Baby reindeer.
What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
A porcupine.
Whose Christmas parties are full of screams?
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyerand Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

What do you get when you cross a penguin and an alligator?
I don't know, but don't try to fix its bow tie!

How does Mickey Mouse get around during the winter?
Mice skates.

Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.

What happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
She had mittens.
Did you know that all the angels in Jesus' heavenly choir had
the same name?
Sure, haven't you ever heard the song, "Hark,
the Harold Angels Sing"?

What is Santa's favorite breakfast cereal?
Frosted Flakes.

What is Frosty's favorite breakfast cereal?
Snow Flakes.

How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With a North Pole-aroid camera.

Where is the best place to put your Christmas tree?
After your Christmas one and your Christmas two.

What would a Japanese tourist in Alaska wear?
An Eskimono.

What do you call it when your Christmas tree explodes?
A tannen-bomb. (tannenbaum)

What is red and white and goes up and down and up and down?
Santa Claus stuck in an elevator.

Why is Santa a good race car driver?
Because he's always in the pole position.

Who carries all of Santa's books?
His books elf. (book shelf)

What's red and green and guides Santa's sleigh?
Rudolph the red-nosed pickle.

What do you call a polar bear that steals icebergs from other polar bears?
An ice-burglar.

How do you know if there is a reindeer in your refrigerator?
The hoofprints in the butter!

Why does Santa Claus have three gardens?
So he can Ho-Ho-Ho.

What happens when Frosty the Snowman gets dandruff?
He gets snowflakes.

What kind of food do you get when you cross a blizzard with a polar bear?
A brrr-grrr! (burger)

What's red and white and red and white and red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a hill.

What did the sheep say to the shepherd?
Seasons Bleetings!

Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous?

What does Frosty the Snowman take when he gets sick?
A chill pill.

What does Santa Claus use when he goes skiing?
A North Pole.

What do you call a cow in Alaska?
An Eski-moo.

Why did Frosty go to live in the middle of the ocean?
Because snow man is an island.

I know, I know. I know that people say, "It's the thought that
counts, not the gift... but couldn't people think a little bigger?

Sometimes I get the feeling that if Christmas, Father's Day
and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not

Santa Claus is a jolly fellow! Imagine all that driving and still
being able to say, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

My friend, Rick, is a paramedic here in Miami. A few years ago he answered a call about a man who had a head injury he got when some teenagers were throwing eggs at cars. It seems that
the egg had come through the open window of the man's car as he was driving at about 45 mph. He had a large swelling on his forehead. In the official report, Rick described the incident as
an "egg-noggin".

Billy: How come you never hear anything about the tenth reindeer, Olive?
Tilly: Olive?
Billy: Yeah, you know... Olive the other reindeer, used to
laugh and call him names...


Christmas Service


It was a cold and misty Christmas morning in the very depth of Winter after a heavy fall of snow and only one farmer and the minister managed to arrive at the church for the morning service. 'Well' said the clergyman 'I guess there's no point in having a service today.' 'Well that's not how I see it. said the farmer. If only one cow turns up at feeding time, I still feed it.'

Christmas Post


'A woman went into a post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas cards. What denomination do you want ? asked the lady at the counter. 'Good God!' she replied, Has it come to this? I suppose you'd better give me twenty Catholic and twenty Presbyterian.

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